Saving Your Family

Saving Your Family
Morshed Abul Ala & Taha Ghaznavi

For a believer one of the most hurtful feelings is when he or she watches their own family going astray from the path of Islam. Most of the time, we do not know how to react. Here are some points to keep in mind when we are in such situations:

1. Do Not Give Up on Your Family
This should never be an option. The Prophets ('alayhim salaatu was-salaam) never gave up on their families because of the latter's disobedience to Allah. They did not consider the task of inviting one's family to Allah as an 'extra duty' performed by them, but as part of their own salvation. They kept reminding their families of dedication and obedience to One God, Allah till their natural death came or the punishment of Allah overtoke them. And we ask Allah's protection from that.

2. Show them Your Love and Care
Your family needs to realize that you care for them deeply and it hurts you seeing them going astray. They need to see that your concern for them stems from your genuine love and not a sense of superiority or self-righteousness. They don't need emotional black-mail or repeated nagging, but sincere advice in everyday matters and guidance in any doubts and questions they may have. Give gifts, help them in their day-to-day tasks, and be there in their times of distress and need, whether they be practising or not.

3. Take it One Step at a Time
Do not expect your family to completely change overnight, just because you did! Some, in fact most, people take time to change. Think about the fact that the majority of the Makkan people during the time of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) became Muslim after having been with him, the Prophet of God, for 13 years!
Do not jump into telling them what they have to do or what not. Tell them why it is good or bad, your own reasoning process, and prepare their mind before mentioning what Allah wants them to do. For example, instead of lecturing or ordering them to wear Hijab, explain why it is such an important part of Islam and Muslim identity, its benefits and rewards. Whenever you say such-and-such is Halal or Haram, prepare to answer why!
And be careful about what you lay emphasis on. There is a wisdom in priorities. For example, it does little good to speak about watching too much TV when the person does not even pray. For every Haram, you must provide a better Halal alternative or it will be replaced with more Haram or idleness.

4. Have regular Family Gatherings
How about one weeknight after dinner? Or spending a weekend morning together? You can use these opportunities to talk about your family issues, discuss Islamic teachings, and where you as a family should be headed, etc. This gathering will bring your family members close to each other, allow them to express their thoughts and feelings openly and realize that they are one mutually-supporting entity.

5. Do Not Coerce but Pray for them
We should know that guidance comes from Allah alone, no matter how hard we try. Our duty is to present Allah's message in a loving and wise manner so they can help themselves make up their mind. But throughout all this, we turn to Allah alone for guidance, for ourselves and our loved ones, and put our trust in Him alone, lest we lost heart in our own efforts.

6. Be True to Yourself
They know you too well and love you, so be yourself! Your greatest duty is to be a shining example of a sincere, trying, albeit naturally imperfect, Muslim not to give the impression of a 'super-Momin' who is never wrong. That natural and simple way of living and thinking will insha-Allah be an irresistable attraction that will draw you and your family closer to Allah.

Effective Parenting

Effective Parenting

Source: Islamic World

The Soul of your child is like an uncut precious jewel entrusted into your care by Allah. To you is given the awesome responsibility of shaping that precious jewel into a beautiful form, pleasing to the eye of Allah. It is your sacred duty to ensure your child grows up to be a good and right human being (Muslim). The oneness (tawhid) of Allah is also expressed in the unity of Islamic life. Raising your children to be good and right human beings is part of the necessary Islamization of world society. The simple fact is that it is very difficult, perhaps impossible, to raise your children to be truly good and right human beings in the world as it is at present.

Only in a fully Islamic world will the conditions exist where children will naturally develop into the good and right humans beings desired by Allah. That is the beautiful future we can offer our children, but to do this we must do battle with the influences of the present wrong world as we create that promised future for our children. We do this by learning the knowledge and skills it takes to be an effective Islamic parent, and developing in our hearts the unstoppable desire to put these skills and knowledge into practice in our everyday life as we aid our children in their development.

We are greatly blessed by Allah to be Muslims at this particular time in world history. The unique social and historical conditions, combined with new the knowledge and technology now available, make it not only possible but highly likely that within a generation or so we will live in that long unfulfilled dream of all Muslims, a truly Islamic world.

These unique conditions existing today are: the fact that the prevailing dominant world culture, the Western culture, is undergoing a widespread social collapse due to the inherent wrongness within its belief systems and behaviours; that the conclusions of modern science have finally reached a point where one must acknowledge science now supports the traditional beliefs in God and His works; that we have recently come to understand the laws of learning by which all human characteristics are developed; and, that we now have a worldwide communication network so effective that any important new idea could reach virtually every person in the world within days.

The result of these existing conditions is that: those suffering from the collapse of the Western way of life and thought are desperate for some solution to their distress and will see in Islam that much needed answer; atheism and secular materialism will lose their power to take the faith in Islam from our youth; through the spread of the knowledge of learning theory each new generation will come closer to the perfect expression of Islam in the physical existence; and, through the right use of communication technology a unified ummah of 1.2 billion Muslims will be able to effectively offer the traditional scholarship and knowledge of Islam to all the people of the world.

In the coming years there will occur many new opportunities for all Muslims to take an active role in the creation of this truly and fully Islamic world of the future. As a most important beginning to this momentous task it is necessary for every Muslim parent to learn and practice the techniques of effective Islamic parenting. The path to effective Islamic parenting consists of two parts, necessarily inseparable. They are an objective, accurate and positive worldview, combined with a good understanding of the laws of learning by which all human characteristics develop. This is necessary because the laws of learning are much too powerful to be used without a clear positive direction in which to influence the child’s development. Islam most certainly provides this clear, correct and positive direction, as Allah would never mislead us.
All laws in this physical universe belong to Allah, and the laws of learning, to the degree we correctly understand them, by which all human development takes place are created by Allah just as are the laws of physics which hold the moon, sun, and stars in place. These laws of learning provide the most powerful tool for directing the development of the individual or any social group that has ever existed. For a Muslim to be a truly effective Islamic parent it is necessary to understand Allah’s laws of learning.

Just as Allah has made our religion easy for us, Allah has made the laws of learning easy for us to understand and use. Actually, these laws of learning in their entirety can be quite complex, and to fully comprehend these laws and understand their widest application can take many years of study. Nevertheless, all thanks to His Mercy, Allah has allowed anyone hearing a brief and simple explanation of these laws of learning to be able to use most of their incredible power. This easily understood knowledge of the laws of learning is more than enough to enable a parent to raise their child as a good and right human being.

It is important that knowledge of these laws of learning and their use should never be seen as somehow separate from the unity of Islamic life. To be most effective in helping you raise your children, these laws of learning are not to be ‘applied’ like some mechanical tool, but they must be incorporated deeply into the innermost reaches of your consciousness until they become a natural part of your unique style of interpersonal communication and interaction with your child.
In order to keep this explanation of the laws of learning both brief and simple it will be presented as a successive series of individual points, but made specific for use in effective

Islamic parenting:

GENERAL LAWS OF DEVELOPMENT
1. Most basic premise - That any person or social group who possesses both a positive and accurate world view and an understanding of the laws of learning will move naturally and inevitably toward all things good and right.

2. An infant child comes into the world perfectly good and only becomes other than perfectly good while growing into adulthood due to the influences upon him/her during their years of development.

3. Human society is obviously not perfectly good at this point in history, in fact our world society has become so bad that some philosophers have made the claim that human nature is basically evil.

4. The reason so much evil exists in today’s world is not because human nature is basically evil, but because the influences we naturally encounter as physical beings in a material world tend most often to direct our development away from Allah.

5. The influences upon us come from three sources in our environment, the physical, the social(any influence coming either directly or indirectly from other people), and from inner speech(the influence of our own thoughts and feelings).

6. Every influence upon a us will have some effect greater than zero; and, while most of these will be very small, some can be so powerful as to be life changing.

7. The overall impact upon our development of any single influence from any of these three sources can be either negative or positive.

8. Every individual is subjected to many thousands of influences every day, some of these influences being directed toward evil and some being directed toward Allah.

9. To overcome the influence of evil (movement toward the material) and move toward Allah (the spiritual) takes consistent and concentrated effort.

10. If we do not recognize the affect of these influences upon our development we will go whichever way the influences take us, thereby too often moving away from Allah and toward evil.

11. If we can recognize the affect of these influences upon our development we can use the laws of learning to limit the affect of the negative influences upon us and to increase the affect of the positive influences upon us, thereby moving continuously away from evil and moving toward Allah.

12. When we see an influence upon us that we know would push us away from Allah we can say things to ourselves using inner speech that can take away the power of that negative influence.

13. When we see an influence upon us that we know would help us move toward Allah we can say things to ourselves using inner speech that can add greatly to the power of that positive influence.

14. As we learn to recognize all the influences upon us from the inner and outer realms of the environment, when we learn to correctly identify those influences as being either negative or positive upon our development, and when we learn to use our inner speech to say the correct things after each one of those negative or positive influences (which will reduce the power of the negative and increase the power of the positive), then we will begin naturally and inevitably to move away from all that is wrong and harmful, and we will begin to move naturally and inevitably toward all things good and right.

15. An individual who does these things cannot fail to become a good and right human being; and, a society that does these things cannot fail to become a good and right society.